A new day. A new plan!!

I really didn't care, for how that post yesterday was simply left hanging. I thought that it should have been laid out better. Maybe I need to do like Bro Garry does, and do series, when a matter is that complex. If I do start writing in a series, I think that I should have them all written out, before I start to post them.

Yesterday's post was full, of some very valid information. Most of the writing, I was well pleased with the way, that it turned out. Something about the way that it ended I felt, that it was leaving my readers high and dry. Maybe it is because of all this information, that I have stored up, on the inside of myself, that caused me to feel that way.

However, writing that post opened up a whole new world of things, that I was doing, that I wasn't even aware of doing. I had been actually planning out my death, because of the way that I was living. I had become content with everything around me, and I was ready to die.

I have a few physical ailments that trouble me. Actually, they do cause me a lot more pain, than I really want to admit, or deal with in a positive way. I figured that I would simple take enough pain pills to wipe out that pain. I never figured it would backfire on me. Taking those pills, in the amounts that I need to take them to stop the pain, is actually causing me to to hurt worse, than when I don't take them at all. How wild is that?

So I have decided to lay the drugs down, that I have been taking, covered by the name of medication. I really think that there is more to this. I think God has His awesome hand of me, simply urging me to go a different route. I know when I was taking these a few years ago they worked like a charm. Suddenly, they are causing me to have to endure more pain. Hmmm... I think that He is up to something.

I spent a lot of time a couple nights ago repeating this dream. I don't usually dream at all, and if I do, I rarely remember them. I spent a lot of years praying my dreams down, because I was having severe nightmares. I ask Father to take all my dreams from me, or at least not let them haunt me. Every now and then, I will have a dream that I remember, but this one stayed with me for several hours.

It was a dream of me being an old man, or maybe acting like an old man. I kept seeing my old toothless self hanging, over my cane, riding the bus. I had some of the people around me, pitying my situation, and some making fun of me. I remember that I was horrified, by both reactions the same, and dieing, was the only escape that I could see. I would simply die, and that would be the end of that madness.

Then I heard this voice saying to me: Have you ever thought about living again? You might want to seriously consider, the fact that you still have life inside of you. It is not time to die yet. You need to live again!!

This went on for most of the night, however I really didn't put it all together until yesterday. I was on a mission to die. I had given up on living, and was preparing to die!! I am not sure if that is what they call “The mid-life crisis,” but it was surely eating my breakfast, lunch, and dinner!! I had been dying for several years now, and it simply hadn't donned on me, what was really going on.

I don't really want to die. There is a saying that, “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to go right now!!” I really feel that same way. Honestly, I am in one of the best positions, that I have ever been in my life. I know that I am the best acting person that I have every been. My heart is completely “Sold out,” to God, and the work of the kingdom!! I am at the point in my life, that I don't care about having wealth. I really don't care about much of nothing, besides what Jesus wants, in my life today.

So here is whats really happening now. I am designing a plan for living life, customized to myself. Right now I plan to get much better fit than am right now. I am going to change my eating habits. I plan to volunteer my time to helping others. On top of this list is my devotion to Father, because without Him all this would be more that futile!!

…..........Much Love