The road less traveled....

I like the person that I am becoming today. I say this every once in a while but, it simply keeps getting better. I know that I must sound like a broken record, and still I just keep saying this phrase. The reason that I keep saying this is because, we might not all feel this good, about who we are, and where we are headed. It wasn't that long ago, that I could not have answered, any of these statements, that I freely make today.

I felt miserable. I wanted to die, and I saw no future for me at all. Once I failed at my suicide attempt, I realized that I was standing at a crossroads. If my life was every going to get any better, I was going to have to make some changes. It didn't come quick, and it wasn't all that easy either. It took some work to change, and that was what was about to happen, unless I decided to stay miserable. I think that we have all lived, at least one miserable day, in our lives.

Once I realized that I wasn't getting out of this life by killing myself, a few things fell right in line behind that statement. The first thing was that it was not all about me. I had to break this back down to the smallest common denominator possible, and that led me back to Father. The Almighty Creator of both Heaven and earth.

The forth word in the Bible put all this in perspective. In the beginning (God.) Funny how it didn't say something really classy like, In the beginning James. The truth is that if it had of said James, then that would have been God's name!! There was no squirming out of this one. It has always been about Father, and rightfully so!!

What do I do now?     Now that I realized it is God's show, and He simply asked me to participate, in the real Greatest show on the Earth!!     I guess that I need to get to know Him, and give Father a chance to make some use of me if possible.

This took a lot of praying, and asking what should I do. I believe that Jesus had a special plan for me, and it involved taking a little while. I needed to get to know, two entirely different people, that I had never known before. The first one was Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit. The same person, any way that you choose to look at them.

The second person that I needed to get to know was myself. It is not possible to receive a touch from God, and stay the same. It changes every thing about yourself. The way that you act. The way that you re-act. The way that you think. The way that you talk. The way that you treat others, and the way that you treat yourself. There is not one single aspect of a persons life that is not changed.

It takes some getting used to dealing with the new you. Some of the changes will be so radical that I have needed to look into a mirror, and make sure that it was still me!! Plus, it can be very painful at times, because some changes come quicker, and easier than others. It took me a while to realize when I cussed somebody out, that it made me feel worse, than just keeping my mouth shut!!

Anyway, the good Lord was leading me, in the direction, of the City Rescue Mission, for my training. He knew that I was in need of a long term solution. I had spent forty-eight years destroying my life, I only thought it fair to give Jesus, a couple years, to get it back on track. I think that I need to recant that statement, because I was very willing to give Him, all the time, that He thought that it would take.

There was nothing bad about my attitude. I was very humble, and I was kept very humble throughout the entirety of the program. There was times that I wanted to rear back in rebellion, but Jesus knew exactly how to bring me back into reality. I knew that I was going to have to change, if I wanted anything different to happen, in my life.

I am so very grateful for the opportunity to experience the last two years of my life. I don't understand why a lot of things were like they were at the time. I might not even understand some of the things. However, I do understand that Jesus is sitting on the throne, and all I have to do is keep my focus on Him, and follow where He leads me. That is the key to me having a successful life!!

….......Much Love