Before Jesus Christ in
my life I was a loner. I stayed to myself, unless I thought that you had
something that I needed or wanted. Every one of the folks that I called my
friends, were those that were like me, deep in alcohol or drug use. I was a
user of people, because I learned at a early age, that I couldn’t trust nobody.
Yeah,..I was that big of a mess!!
The introduction of
Jesus into my life has changed every issue that I have, or in the process of
changing them. A bubbly Spirit not only attracts me to people, it attracts
certain folks to me also. I walk around being really friendly, and some people
give me a look, that allows me to tell that they are wondering about me. I
can’t tell you that I am a reader of other people minds, although, I can get
pretty close to what they’re thinking at certain times.
I know the look that
says that I am a few days shy, of a permanent vacation!! I know the way that I
have looked, and still look at some folks. I think that I must look crazy,
because of the way that I act sometimes. Whenever, I enter into a crowd
situation, I always speak to the crowd. It might be on a bus, at a bus stop, or
anytime that I enter into an office environment. That is the way that I break
the ice.
Doing this shows a
couple things about me. The first thing is the fact that I am friendly. Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew
himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a
brother. The second thing that it shows is
the fact that I am approachable. That there should be no fear simply, because I
am near to you.
The reaction that I get allows me to know some things, about the folks that are around me. Those that give me that look like I might be crazy. Let’s me know that they will have an opportunity to change their minds quickly, that is if they want to change it. Those that don’t acknowledge that I am even alive stay indifferent. The rest of them, quickly become my kind of people.
The reaction that I get allows me to know some things, about the folks that are around me. Those that give me that look like I might be crazy. Let’s me know that they will have an opportunity to change their minds quickly, that is if they want to change it. Those that don’t acknowledge that I am even alive stay indifferent. The rest of them, quickly become my kind of people.
Once I start a dialog,
there are those that continue it in different ways. Some people just smile, and
sometimes it is a smile of relief. Other folks have this genuine smile, which
assures me that all is well. Then there are those that speak. Some only speak a
few words, and there are those who seem happy that they have someone available
to converse with, which is capable of understanding.
This works well for
me, as far as breaking the curse of the crippling disability that I possess. I
do believe that my own inability to trust others is a curse. I am learning new
and different ways of coping with this through the love of Jesus. I have found
if I can only take the focus off of me, and put it on Jesus, then I have
nothing to fear.
Most of my
debilitating issues that I have, and have had since childhood are based on
fear. I was exposed to several fear based factors as a child, which nobody
needs to deal with at that age. I don’t blame anybody for these things happening,
because I don’t think that even those that were causing this trauma knew better
themselves. This was simply the way that it was back then. I know that it was
wrong today, but back then I am really not sure what I thought.
My solution that I
have found to heal the pain is Jesus Christ. Part of the answer, which I really
need, is the effects, of the bubbly Spirit. It breaks this really shy part of
me also. There are a lot of things in which I have not learned to describe yet
that happens in my Spirit. I am not sure if I ever will, but that is alright. I
don’t believe that I am fanatical in my Christianity. I get more motivated in
my writing, than I ever do in my speech.
I am learning as I go
to deal with human beings. In the same process, I am learning to surrender
areas of my life, which I tend to want to hold on to, for some reason. I have
an excellent instructor, which I have laid the care of my life, and everything
that it consists of, under His control. He is patient, and very kind, and
always knows when it is the right time, for a change to take place.
I guess that once
again I have wandered all over the place. It’s really hard to write something
that everybody will understand. Then again, I am only looking to reach those,
which are as sick as I once was, and still may be. I know for a fact that I am
under the scalpel, and Jesus has that tool in His hand!!
……….Much Love
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