We Need to Laugh More

Fifty Cent Humor

The minister selected a fifty-cent item at a convenience store, but discovered he didn't have any money with him.
"I could invite you to hear me preach in return," he said jokingly to the owner, "but I'm afraid I don't have any fifty-cent sermons."
"Perhaps," suggested the owner, "I could attend twice."

 

A Rude Awakening

The story is told of a pastor who was frustrated because of one man who always seemed to fall asleep during the sermon. So the pastor devised a trick, a way he thought he could embarrass the man so as to get him to break this habit. Near the end of a sermon concerning "hell", the Pastor, in a normal voice, said to the congregation, "Any one here today who wants to go to hell" - - then he raised his voice to a much louder volume - - "PLEASE STAND UP!"
Of course this woke up the sleeping parishioner who quickly jumped to his feet. After collecting himself for a moment, the man then looked at the pastor and said, "Preacher, I don't know what we're voting on, but it appears that you and I are the only one's for it." 

The Church Secretary

One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"
The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?"
The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"
She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"
To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...."
To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just walked in!"

That's a Lot of Faith

A couple of nuns who were nursing sisters had gone out to the country to minister to an outpatient. On the way back they were a few miles from home when they ran out of gas. They were standing beside their car on the shoulder when a truck approached.
Seeing ladies of the cloth in distress, the driver stopped to offer his help. The nuns explained they needed some gas. The driver of the truck said he would gladly drain some from his tank but he didn't have a bucket or can.
One of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan and asked the driver if he could use it. He said yes and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts of gas into the pan. He waved goodbye to the nuns and left.
The nuns were carefully pouring the precious fluid into their gas tank when the highway patrol came by. The trooper stopped and watched for a minute, then he said:
"Sisters, I don't think it will work, but you sure have faith!"